Today I really think that I'm the real life biggest loser!!! What a shame! Including this time, I don't know how many times I've been like 'hangat-hangat tahi ayam' in doing my weight lost program! I feel like I'm a loser! Biggest loser on earth! Instead of losing weight, my weight is actually increase since my fourth year final exam in last October. DAMN!!!
I wrote in my previous blog that I'm gonna lose my weight and graduate with normal weight by June this year! I wrote that in August last year!. Yes I did lost some weight. But then as exam is approaching by October, I became lazier and lazier to get out of my room, let alone go to gym and sweat my shirts! I hate this! And exam make me hungry! Staying up till late night just made me craving for food and I feel like eating everything that existed under the sun!
And today, I surprised myself after I step on the weight scale (that has become dusty as I'm afraid to use it when I stop going to the gym for few months!). Today , on 9th Feb 2014, my weight has rocketed to 121kgs, and this is my heaviest reading through out my 'obese' life! What the hell that I've done? Should I curse the exam for making me hungry and stop going to the gym or should I curse myself for not having a strong enough will power? Arrghhhh!! And to add some salt on the wound, going back to hometown for a few weeks of holidays just increase the rate of 'getting fatter'!
Sometimes I really feel that nothing can be done. I think that God just want me to be fat, and die as a fat man. Is HE??? The reason is, everytime I try to do some effort to lose weight, there must be something that will stop my effort and I will get back my previous weight, in fact more than the previous one. Huhuhu. For example, I've done half of my weight lose in 2011 where I lose 23kgs but then in Feb 2012 I got a motorcycle accident, can't move my right knee for more than a month, and I quickly regain my weight, making me give up everything that I've done!!! And I get back all the 23kgs I've lose in one year, plus more 'bonus weight'.
Today, with 121kgs in me, I need to do something. I've to get rid an amount of weight equal to a weight of a woman with normal BMI. And it is a MUST!!! I'm tired of listening to people mocking me, saying that how could I advice my patient to live a healthy life when in fact I'm living as an obese person? Since few months back, my friends do not greet me by ''How are you?'' but they greet me by saying ''Eh, you look much bigger that before''or ''eh, apsal makin bulat sekarang ni?''. And I dont know how to reply to that kind of 'greeting'!
Oh God, please help me, dont let me die as an obese person so that people do not complaint when the lift up my coffin during my funeral! Give me strength and ease my way to achieve my target as I believe everything is possible with YOUR infinite power!
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